“I really don’t care if anyone remembers my birthday this year,” Jesus grumpily told le Shallot. “It’s not like it’s a big deal.”
Friends of Jesus report that His mood changes noticeably after Thanksgiving and generally does not improve until mid-January. “He always gets quiet around this time,” says Moses “I mean, no one’s told him happy birthday in the last hundred years.”
“I guess there’re just more important things going on during the holiday season,” the son of God grumbled. “Black Friday, Cyber Monday,” he elaborated, “All these great deals can be very distracting to mortals.”
Jesus believes that the problem lies with “This Santa Claus character.”
“I mean sure, I’ve never handed out Xboxes at church, but do you have any idea how painful a crucifixion is? Has Santa Claus ever died for anyone’s sins? The only sacrifice he ever makes is a late night on Christmas Eve. And I’m sure that magic sleigh runs up quite the fuel bill,” he concluded sarcastically.
The Christian man-deity is understandably miffed. His first birthday gifts included gold, silver, frankincense and myrrh.
The Holy Ghost offers a solution. “Maybe if the guy made an appearance more than once every two thousand years he’d be higher on peoples’ to-do list. A little miracle goes a long way.” The metaphysical, pandimensional spirit-construct shrugged. “Just saying.”
The third part of the Holy Trinity was unavailable for comment, but His secretary told le Shallot that He and His son will probably spend the special day planning out The Rapture and shooting lightning bolts at sinners “To keep his mind off things.”
