“Oh, wait, the elections were yesterday?” inquired Charles Stalhammer from his San Diego, California couch on November 3rd.
Yes, Charles, the elections were yesterday. And no, not enough people voted for Proposition 19. And yes, that means marijuana is still illegal in the state of California.
Experts speculate that the proposition failed because of the short-term memory issues typical among cannabis users. Exit polls found that less than 1 percent of voters admitted to using cannabis regularly, as opposed to an estimated 11 percent of tokers present among the general population.
Atmospheric samples taken in California on Election Day indicate that THC (the active ingredient in marijuana smoke) levels were at their highest this year since April 20th. Preliminary analysis indicates that the many would-be voters who lit up in celebration of Proposition 19 never made it to the polls. This hypothesis is supported by the sharp increase in the sale of Cheetos and Arizona Sweet Tea across the state.
“I guess it sucks that weed’s not legal yet,” Stalhammer told le Shallot, “I mean, it’s just like alcohol prohibition. It’s unjust and the entire nation could benefit not only from the tax revenue, but the fact that drug cartels would lose their biggest source of funding.”
At this point, Stalhammer eyed the intricate bong resting on his coffee table. “Do you mind?” he intoned sheepishly before sucking down a large quantity of milky-white smoke. As he exhaled, his posture slackened, and seemed to melt into the contours of his couch.
“Whatever though. I’ll keep smoking anyway,” he continued from the recesses of his furniture lair. “I’ve got what, like three weeks of unemployment left? Yeah, I’m good.” Our interview was cut short by the microwave timer, signaling that his pepperoni pizza hot pockets were done.
“Oh, wait, the elections were yesterday?” inquired Charles Stalhammer from his San Diego, California couch on November 3rd.
Yes, Charles, the elections were yesterday. And no, not enough people voted for Proposition 19. And yes, that means marijuana is still illegal in the state of California.
Experts speculate that the proposition failed because of the short-term memory issues typical among cannabis users. Exit polls found that less than 1 percent of voters admitted to using cannabis regularly, as opposed to an estimated 11 percent of tokers present among the general population.
Atmospheric samples taken in California on Election Day indicate that THC (the active ingredient in marijuana smoke) levels were at their highest this year since April 20th. Preliminary analysis indicates that the many would-be voters who lit up in celebration of Proposition 19 never made it to the polls. This hypothesis is supported by the sharp increase in the sale of Cheetos and Arizona Sweet Tea across the state.
“I guess it sucks that weed’s not legal yet,” Stalhammer told le Shallot, “I mean, it’s just like alcohol prohibition. It’s unjust and the entire nation could benefit not only from the tax revenue, but the fact that drug cartels would lose their biggest source of funding.”
At this point, Stalhammer eyed the intricate bong resting on his coffee table. “Do you mind?” he intoned sheepishly before sucking down a large quantity of milky-white smoke. As he exhaled, his posture slackened, and seemed to melt into the contours of his couch.
“Whatever though. I’ll keep smoking anyway,” he continued from the recesses of his furniture lair. “I’ve got what, like three weeks of unemployment left? Yeah, I’m good.” Our interview was cut short by the microwave timer, signaling that his pepperoni pizza hot pockets were done.
